This week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me for all the wrong reasons. I had let myself worry about a stupid ‘want’ while standing at the pinnacle of blessings, where God has placed me.
This week, I fed a ‘want’ with so much enticing prospects of purchasing it even though I knew I couldn’t purchase it while in my right mind. I have more important and immediate financial responsibilities e.g house rent, new furniture,pizza funds, funds to sustain myself while at my new job etc.
I fed the ‘want’ in the sense that everyday; I reminded myself of how much I ‘wanted’ it, fantasized on how much it would make me ‘cooler’, how much it would make life ‘sweeter’ for me. I basically fattened the ‘want’ almost EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY, when I refreshed the jiji.ng website, looking for cheap listings of the ‘want’ from new potential sellers; hoping that if I could find the ‘want’ at a ridiculously cheap price, I’ll purchase and all will be well. All of these experiences only made me more sad because I still didn’t get what I wanted and it opened my eyes to the deep extent to which Nigerians go to pull off scams.
The funny thing is; I’ve heard God over and over again, while in my hopeless effort to satisfy this ‘want’ saying “WAIT!”. But my ungratefulness still pushed me to go forward. So I picked up a book this week about money, because I knew it was a wrong financial decision to satisfy the ‘want’, I just needed a book to tell me that so I could back off. I borrowed the book “30 Biblical principles for managing your money” by Rich Brott from Raymond’s library, so far it’s been really great. I’ve gotten a whole lot more than I bargained for. Yesterday I started praying, telling God I was sorry for being so ungrateful and prayed for more Grace to be content.
However, as I performed my daily ritual of reading a friends blog post (link), I encountered a powerful scripture
Job 4:11(NLT):The fierce lion will starve for lack of prey, and the cubs of the lioness will be scattered
The post buttressed starving things you don’t want in your life so they would die. So I’ve decided today to starve the ‘want’, I won’t feed it anymore so it wouldn’t grow in my life and make me take a wrong or foolish decision. No more jiji.ng! No more daydreaming of the want! I’ll listen to God and wait for his ever perfect timing. Thanks Boro for letting yourself be used today.